The two of me

I may seem calm, happy and fine..

there is an inner me that will never align..

There is a constant criticism for whatever I want to be..

I am not just dealing with self, I am dealing with the two of me!!

I create my own barriers, I draw my own line..

expect to achieve everything, expect everything to be fine..

I am my own critic before the society labels me..

the compulsion of perfection doesn't let me be...   

I turn my ability into a question mark..

I put off the fire even before a spark..

I fight with my demons but let them win..

The other me is not comfortable in my own skin..

Nostalgia!

Remember, when we hated to sleep?

Or when we were picky of the things we ate?

Remember, when summer holidays were a thing?

Or when we played house-house for our play date?

Remember, when mom packed our boxes with yum food for school?

Or when cartoon pictures on your bags and bottles were cool?

Remember, we learned to add, subtract, and multiply?

Never did we imagine the way "time will fly by" !!

Remember, where only homework was the struggle?

Or when you first experienced the joy of soap water bubble?

Remember, when you waited for school picnics every year?

Or when asking permission was the only fear?

Remember, when playing cassettes on tape recorders gave us joy?

Or when cartoon network played our favorites tom & jerry, scooby doo or popeye!!

Remember,when rain meant paper boat?

Or how cute we looked in that tiny little rain coat?

Remember, the last time when you actually were carefree ?

when you didn't worry about getting a job or a degree?

Those days are gone when we were insanely sane..

But once in a while, its good to go down the memory lane!!!

                                     

Calming the inner chaos!!!

       In our busy lives, we are constantly running around doing a million things. We fight, we hustle, we chase but still with a calm on our face. Rarely do we try to calm the inner chaos, the multiple questions we ask ourselves within a day, the multiple times we feel like "Ok that's it! I am done". Its a lot harder to calm the chaos inside than solving any problem in the outer world.

     Unintentionally a lot of times we find ourselves hustling in the mind, You can’t explain it. You are easily irritated, you don’t have the zest for the things that used to make you smile. Those are signs you’re experiencing a chaotic inner state or simply being trapped in a place mentally. We hide it deep within from the world in fear of exposing our true weakness. This is when you need to have an appointment with yourself. 

     Life can be truly hectic, even chaotic, if we don’t stop now and then to take a few minutes for ourselves. With the invention of computers, mobiles and internet, our work/personal lives were supposed to get easier, but it’s gotten busier than ever before! TAKE A BREAK!! Small or big but we all need to stop for a moment and take a break.

   A break can be anything from a happy nap to an impulsive sudden vacation to Goa!  Anything that calms your mind from extreme emotions. Give yourself a happy treat mentally. You deserve a break not only from your work, your routine or your overwhelming society but from yourself, your hustle and chaos. 

   Life is a very busy mission and we have the courage to gain everything. But, sometimes you just need to take a step back, relax, speak up your mind  and treat yourself. Sometimes, the best thing you can do to yourself is "JUST BREATHE"!!
  

 

Lamhe...

Kabhi khamosh se..
Kabhi udaas se..
Kabhi hasi se..
Kabhi khushi se...
                                                               

Kabhi kisi ke pyar me..
Kabhi intzaar me.
Kabhi tadapte dil ki pukaar me...
Kabhi kisike inkaar me..

Kabhi sehme huee..
Kabhi thame hue..
Kabhi bhagte hue..
Kabhi raftaar me..

 Kabhi berang shaamo me.
Kabhi udaas kali raato me..
Kabhi din ke khalipan me.
Kabhi chupi nigaaho me
Na jaane kitne rang hai in lamho ke  💙

Dar lagta hai....

Dar lagta hai har lamha tujhe khone ka,\

Dar lagta hai har pal kuch galat hone ka..

Dar lagta hai ki ek din sab badal jayega,

Dar lagta hai ki ek din ye pyar kam pad jayega..       
Baat bharose ki nahi haalat ki hai, 

Dar lagta hai ek din halaato ke saamne hosla kam pad jayegaa..

Janti hu ye dar be-buniyaad hai,

 par dar lagta hai ki ye kahi sach hogaya to mere paas jeene ke liye kuch nahi reh jayegaa.

One day...!!!

One day everything will end..
I'll be no one to you, not even a friend..

One day you will not need me anymore,          

I'll silently walk away through your door...

One day my feelings will die,
Nothing will matter neither your betrayal or lie...

One day I'll look back and laugh at my stupidity,
It wasn't meant to be, it wasn't eternity!

Unheard Scream!

The happy girl lost her grace,
As tears run down her face..
She forgot who she was, and her dreams to chase..
She felt broken, worthless and disgrace. .!!

As the blue sky faded to black,
Her wings of hope vanished from her back..
Darkness has now filled her heart,
All her kindness now fell apart!!

She screams but cannot be heard...
She lost her speech and her vision is blurred.

With her tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes..
Losing her strength, from within she dies..

 

 

Being an adult!!

We all knew that we would grow up one day..
We knew that we had to face it someday..

Everyone said there would be tough times, but you will be okay..
Nobody mentioned everything comes up with a cost that you have to pay..!!

There is an overwhelming stress you have to face...
Willingly or unwillingly, you are a part of rat race...

You are caught in shackles of need that look like lace...
Between money and dreams you don't know what to chase...!!

Every mistake you make feels like you are getting stabbed with knife..
The decisions you make, would affect the rest of your life..

You are caught up in the situations where you don't know what to do..
Its terrifying to know that "you can be rejected for being you..!"

Its frightening  to realize that when you grow up you are on your own..
Into a world that's still unknown..

Despite this fear, you wake up everyday and fight..
In this world, you are your own knight..!!
 

Believe in your heart, keep your spirits alive,

Don’t doubt yourself, you will survive.

 

Things can go wrong and make you feel low,

It’s good not to dwell, you can let it go...!!

Things we don't talk about..!!

     "Chilhood Abuse" as we discuss, is been limited to physical and sexual trauma a child goes through. While we discuss about these issues, we often overlook an equally damaging and common kind of abuse - emotional abuse.

     Emotional  abuse can be of various kinds like emotional neglect, verbal abuse, demotivation, shame & humiliation etc. A child absorbs and learns what is been taught or what he/she observes around them. There is no good or a bad child by birth. There are many people who are hesitant or unwilling to talk about their childhood because of the chaos they have gone through.  Painful childhood memories are typically tied to distressing feelings such as abnormality, inferiority, self-doubt and shame as the child grows up. However, memories of these past situations and events can sneak up on a person in the present during moments of “felt” threat or vulnerability. These emotions are intense and hard to explain. 

    Each member in a family has their own strengths, their own struggles, their own point of view. They have their own personalities, their own fears, their own hopes. Each member also has a unique relationship with every other member, too. Its important for the adults to understand what the kid really thinks. Childhood trauma does not come in a single package. Its the series of incidents good or bad that grooms the personality. On top of abuse or neglect, denial heaps more hurt upon the child by requiring the child to alienate herself/himself from reality and her/his own experience. 

     As children, such individuals usually feel insufficiently cared for, supported, or respected. They feel they have no “voice” in their family, that their wants and needs are regularly overruled or shamed by their elders. Four out of five families also have the obnoxious habit of comparing their kid with others which again leads to jealousy and aggression. Trust me no child needs this kind of negativity in their childhood. There are always ways to make your child the best, comparison is certainly not the way.

      When child with such emotions grow up, their behavior reflects in their further relationships, with peers, friends etc. They might grow up to be aggressive, angry or they might also grow up to be emotionless as their feelings were never valued. Remember that the purpose is not to dwell on the past but to go back to it for the purpose of re-visioning it. As an adult, there may be nothing more important than evolving a positive self-regard, and seeing yourself as competent, worthy, and lovable. If you still view yourself in a variety of negative ways, you owe it to yourself to take another look at your past, and to discover joyfully that you’re not who your adults or society prompted you to believe you are. You are what you want to be!!

    

  

Stop Female Foeticide !!!

Everyone was happy that I was coming,
a little tissue when they found out, still developing..!
Mumma and Papa were dancing in joy,
they thought it’s better if I was a boy!!

Mumma was treated like a queen,
She was now pampered like she has ever been!!
Papa was planning how everything should be blue,
but I was a girl and they had no clue!!


Days passed, nights passed and now few months were over,
but till now they didn’t know what was my gender!
mumma’s food was my food to eat,
the first music I listened to was her heartbeat!!

Anything can go wrong as stated in law of Murphy,
Soon I was in the ward of Sonography!!
I was happy and cozy in my mumma’s womb,
little did I know, I’ll be in a tomb..!!             

Everybody was waiting for the news of wonder,
mumma’s heart was beating like thunder!!
“It’s a girl”! the nurse exclaimed,
papa was ashamed and mumma was blamed!!

They said we don’t want her, lets go for abortion,
It was my life and I wasn’t asked any permission!!
I consoled myself and kept quiet like a good girl,
I saw a pair of hands towards me swirl!!

All I remember is the thirsty look of the sharp knife,
Eagerly waiting to end my dear life!!
Mumma and papa were brave enough to see me die,
at least they would have kissed me a good bye!!